A teensy scare, a new low, a great day and a fun site

For the first time in YEARS, I took a pregnancy test.  I was scared and completely in denial that I could be pregnant.  Hubby had the snip a year ago but hasn't been tested so there's always a little niggle at the back of my brain that says "oh please, don't let it be this time".  This month I was 8 days late.  I haven't been this late in a long time and so I began to worry.  Bestie tried to talk some sense into me but I alternated between panic and outright denial.  I didn't want to test because I was afraid... what if it was positive?  I've never ever wanted to be a mother.  As a step-mom I'm happy but I never wanted to bear children myself.  I couldn't imagine going through that at 35.

I bought my first First Response test in a very long time and thankfully I tested negative on Friday. I was still worried since Aunt Flo hadn't made an appearance and I wasn't feeling any of the usual signs she was on her way.... well other than extreme annoyance at hubby for minor things but I don't need Aunt Flo to help me with that ;)  She showed up this morning with a vengence and as usual I went through the hating her but silently (or not so silently) cheering that she'd made an appearance at all.  After a day of cramps, I loathe her again and lament loudly at being female.

Also yesterday, I reached a new low on the scale.  138lbs!  Even with menstrual bloat I'm at this weight!  I feel amazing and can't believe that I'm 85 lbs down and will see my goal before my 1 year surgiversary at the end of April.  Heck, I will likely surpass it although I'm really determined now to put some muscle back on and get strong so maybe I'll be able to stave off any further losses on the scale.

Today, Aunt Flo and all, I met with a great lady that helped me become this healthier version of Cheryl that I get to see every day since April 2011.  I met up with Colleen from Weight Loss and Beyond Consulting and spent the afternoon with her and a friend that I referred for her sleeve surgery coming up March 15!  I'm super excited for her to start her sleeve journey and feel this excitement that I enjoy every day!  She has a cautious and reserved attitude to this process and I know that once the pounds start to come off and she starts feeling as great as we do, she will be just as thrilled to share this journey with others. This process is about sharing your journey with others, I think its an important part of the whole thing to be able to pass on your experiences, share in the highs and lows with those that have been there and those that are considering this path.  I don't regret my sleeve for a moment and I wish that I'd had the courage to share it with more people sooner than I have.

Lastly, I HIGHLY recommend you all check out this site.  These gals are HILARIOUS and give so much great information for post op patient of bariatric procedures.  I wish I had the time to spend watching ALL of their great videos!     http://bariatrictv.com/

things and thoughts

My monthly visitor hasn't been too awful at all.  I actually forgot to change my Divacup this morning before work and managed a clean spill free change in the ladies room stall.  It seems that my flow is lighter.  Not sure if that's from the surgery or just lucky for me *this* month but I'll take it.  I'm definitely going to monitor it for next month and see if its the same.  Cramps haven't been too bad this month either. Hubby checked the scale for me yesterday because there's no way in hell I want to weigh myself when I feel like a manatee.... he compared it to the pre-period number and apparently I only gained 1 lb this month.  This is major.  I usually gain 5-8 lbs in bloat and feel super gross.  This month I honestly don't.

Weird how things change post-op.  I have a bag of chips (twists) and a dark chocolate (90%) bar in my desk.  I have zero interest in eating either of them. They've been there for a couple of weeks now. Pre-op, they wouldn't have made it INTO my desk at all.  They would have been scarfed pretty quickly right after I got them.

I've graduated back to coffee now post-op.  I can only get in about a 1/3 of a cup before I'm jittery.  I don't even fill my mug up half way.  People look at me strange and ask if the decanter is empty.... nope!  I just don't want that much coffee!  Pre-op, I was ADDICTED to the Sugar Free Rockstar Energy drinks.  I had 1 every single morning on my commute to work.  I haven't had one sincea few days before surgery.  I don't even crave it. 

I'd say the loss of food/sweets/etc craving is probably the biggest overall thing I've noticed.  I mean of course I know that I can only eat a few tablespoons of food now but really... its the cravings that have me surprised.  That there aren't any.  Even alcohol.  Pre-op, my liver was well exercised.  Now, while I'd *like* a glass of wine here and there, I have really no interest in bothering with the possible weight gain/dehydration/quick effects... so I don't.

Last night we went to a going away party for my personal trainer.  She's off to Alaska to run a gym up there.  She's been kicking my ass for 2 years and I'll miss her as we became friends even through those grueling 1 hour sessions 3x/wk.  They had all sorts of food, alcohol and the like at the party.  As I hadn't had dinner yet, I had 3 thinly sliced pieces of smoked salmon, 1/2 pc cheese, 1 multi grain cracker, 1/2 pickled string bean and about 6 nuts.  I was stuffed.  I was pleased with myself for my good food choices.  While I would have totally been all over the BBQ later that appeared, (hotdogs, bbq salmon and chicken) I honestly didn't want it because I was satisfied with my meal and feeling good.  Everyone else around me was eating and drinking it up and I was absolutely fine to sit there and just enjoy the company of the people instead of hovering over the food table grazing all night.  What a change!

I really need to start tracking my monthly cycles better.  I just downloaded an app for my phone that will hopefully make this easier.  I was a week late but apparently a messed up cycle is to be expected right now because of the rapid weight loss.  Finally Aunt Flo showed up this morning.  This will be my first "real" period since surgery since I don't count the one that showed up spontaneously post op.

So far I'm normal crampyness but it came on quickly... no 2-3 days of spotting like usual.

10 am and already a rough day

Getting ready for work was a chore this morning.  I was wiped out by the time I got to my vehicle.  80 emails to review when I got to work... at least I have a desk job so I can sit most of the day.

Woke up this morning to some menstrual bleeding.  That wasn't unexpected as estrogen is stored in fat cells so many people experience this after losing weight quickly however I'm a little surprised since I am using a hormonal birth control method.  I'm not due for 2 weeks dammit!

The anitbiotics are so unbelieveably nasty.  I just can't do it.  They taste so badly.  I even tried to quarter them and take them with some juice.  Didn't make it down my throat and I nearly puked. :(  I know the antibiotics are preventative but I'm just at a loss here... I just can't get them down.  If I crush them and put them in yogurt (or the like) they make the mix taste horrible.  If I quarter them and try to get each piece down, I nearly puke.  I'm considering just hedging my bets and not taking them.  If I end up with an infection, then I'll deal with it then.