I am getting closer to 1.5 yrs out.   Very very very few people at work know I had WLS, all of my family and close friends do though.  My family/friends are all on board and frankly some are thinking about doing it for themselves!  The thing is, since my surgery I have changed branches/provinces ... so no one in the new branch at work knows my new weight is actually NEW since they've only seen me at THIS weight.

But I have a bad habit.  I get PISSED when people that clearly have not had weight issues make comments about how other's eat/their weight/etc.... and start to get annoyed quickly and comment how regardless of their diet, its no one's business how they are as a PERSON/MANAGER... etc... they have NOTHING to do with each other.  It really makes me MAD when people in my office do that and I'm not quiet about it either.

My weight is MY business.  If I choose to tell someone about my WLS, then I will.  Mostly I will tell others that (I feel) struggle with their weight but even then, its a slippery slope.  You don't want to offend.  In their place, I would be so seriously embarrassed if someone brought up my weight.  As much as I want to help those people, I know who might actually benefit from a life changing surgery such as this... its certainly NOT for the faint of heart.  

A teensy scare, a new low, a great day and a fun site

For the first time in YEARS, I took a pregnancy test.  I was scared and completely in denial that I could be pregnant.  Hubby had the snip a year ago but hasn't been tested so there's always a little niggle at the back of my brain that says "oh please, don't let it be this time".  This month I was 8 days late.  I haven't been this late in a long time and so I began to worry.  Bestie tried to talk some sense into me but I alternated between panic and outright denial.  I didn't want to test because I was afraid... what if it was positive?  I've never ever wanted to be a mother.  As a step-mom I'm happy but I never wanted to bear children myself.  I couldn't imagine going through that at 35.

I bought my first First Response test in a very long time and thankfully I tested negative on Friday. I was still worried since Aunt Flo hadn't made an appearance and I wasn't feeling any of the usual signs she was on her way.... well other than extreme annoyance at hubby for minor things but I don't need Aunt Flo to help me with that ;)  She showed up this morning with a vengence and as usual I went through the hating her but silently (or not so silently) cheering that she'd made an appearance at all.  After a day of cramps, I loathe her again and lament loudly at being female.

Also yesterday, I reached a new low on the scale.  138lbs!  Even with menstrual bloat I'm at this weight!  I feel amazing and can't believe that I'm 85 lbs down and will see my goal before my 1 year surgiversary at the end of April.  Heck, I will likely surpass it although I'm really determined now to put some muscle back on and get strong so maybe I'll be able to stave off any further losses on the scale.

Today, Aunt Flo and all, I met with a great lady that helped me become this healthier version of Cheryl that I get to see every day since April 2011.  I met up with Colleen from Weight Loss and Beyond Consulting and spent the afternoon with her and a friend that I referred for her sleeve surgery coming up March 15!  I'm super excited for her to start her sleeve journey and feel this excitement that I enjoy every day!  She has a cautious and reserved attitude to this process and I know that once the pounds start to come off and she starts feeling as great as we do, she will be just as thrilled to share this journey with others. This process is about sharing your journey with others, I think its an important part of the whole thing to be able to pass on your experiences, share in the highs and lows with those that have been there and those that are considering this path.  I don't regret my sleeve for a moment and I wish that I'd had the courage to share it with more people sooner than I have.

Lastly, I HIGHLY recommend you all check out this site.  These gals are HILARIOUS and give so much great information for post op patient of bariatric procedures.  I wish I had the time to spend watching ALL of their great videos!     http://bariatrictv.com/

151 lbs!!!

The lightest I've been in over 15 years!  I really didn't think the scale would be showing a loss as I've been hovering over the same few pounds for a few weeks... and I've been having some issues in the bathroom..TMI I know!

I'm so happy I had this surgery.  Best decision ever.

Today, I'm going to work the Health & Lifestyle Show for Weight Loss and Beyond.  I'm a little nervous someone I work with will see me and find out I've had the surgery.  I'm still keeping that on the down low at work.  It's a hard line between wanting to tell people I know and keeping some personal privacy as well.

Last night was my company Christmas Party.  I rocked a sweet dress...

I have some exciting (and scary) news!

I'm going to be in the paper!

Well, my likeness will be at least...  at some point.  Ok. I guess I should explain.  Here's some backstory....  (get comfy but...  I'll try to give you the Coles Notes version)

When I decided that I was interested in WLS.  Like ready READY interested... I started doing some searching online.  I ended up on ObesityHelp.  Unfortunately, I tend to stay away from there most of the time now because its just toooooo cliquey and all negative... but I digress....  While I was doing some research, a woman messaged me on chat after I'd posted questions about the local Weight Wise program and how long I could expect to wait for WLS paid for by the provincial health care.

After a really interesting discussion with her, I got up the nerve to make an appt with a company she was referring for at the time... and I convinced my hubby to come along for both moral support and so I had some voice of reason there with me.  He has been in my life for 6 years and seen me heavy, fit and heavy again in that time, so he understood that I was on this path to finding a way to a healthier lighter version of myself.

I met this woman, and then booked with the company for my surgery with Dr Almanza in April of this year.  Since then, this woman and I have become friends and she has opened her own weight loss consulting company employing the values that she wants her clients to come away with.  Weight loss is only part of the answer.  A healthy lifestyle including exercise is also part of it.  After seeing her business case, I decided to become part of her company even in a small way.  I chose to be a patient coordinator/consultant.  I now offer the same support, information and advice that she once offered me.

Ok.... now, to the present day...

I have a photoshoot on Oct 16 as a successful sleever.  She wants to do banners, advertising on her website and now.... (or later...eep!) print advertising in the newspaper.  That part frankly scares the absolute crap out of me right now.  I don't know if I'm ready for the whole world (including my coworkers) to know I've made this choice yet.  I'm not ashamed of this choice at all but I do know that I want to keep my personal life separate from my work right now and I don't know if being the "face" of Weight Loss and Beyond Consulting is the way to do it.  This is the same reason I keep a separate Facebook page.

I wish I knew how to handle this gracefully in a way that allows me to feel confident in my professional privacy while still helping this company grow and help people realize their WLS (as well as dental and cosmetic) goals.



For anyone who reads and is interested... check out  www.weightlossandbeyond.ca
Feel free to send me a message on my Facebook (Happy Sleever), on my blog or contact Colleen on the website if you want any information.

Nervous for nothing

I've been dreading a family function recently.  I'm still pretty new in the post-op phases really and very unsure as to how I wanted to handle telling people that I've had WLS.  ESPECIALLY my family.

It was my gma's 75th and my dad's 57th birthday party on Sunday (Sept 4).  Much of the family that I haven't seen at all this year (and since I was over 220 lbs) would be commenting on my weight loss... this I know.  They've seen me lose and regain many many times over the years so I was prepared for the latest barrage of questions and comments. What I wasn't prepared for was the unbeliveable support!

Up until (literally) the drive to the restaurant I was still deciding if I should tell them or just stick to my work response of "medically supervised diet".  I finally came to the conclusion that if anyone should understand how hard its been for me, it would be them.  So I decided even if they judged me for it, I didn't care and that I was feeling too good (having just broke into the 160's...yay!) to have them affect my mood.

So I told anyone who asked.  At one point, most of the people in the room were listening as I recounted my surgery experience and a few were interested in possibly pursing it themselves!  I received support like I didn't expect and some family may make this journey along with me.

In short, I'm happy I chose my sleeve.  I'm happier yet that I chose to start telling people in my life about it.  I'm still uncomfortable with my work knowning though... because its none of their damn business mostly but also because its not up to them to decide if I required that surgery for sick leave post-op or not.  A medical doctor said I needed leave for at least a week, so I had leave for a week and I have the dr note to prove it. :)

I had a great NSV last night.

I went to a seminar on Minding Stress and its affect on weight. It's put on by the Weight Wise program here and there are many people in the program that are going through the modules for possible approval for bariatric surgery to be paid for by the province. I was paired up with this obviously uncomfortable woman that was hugely obese. We talked about what stresses us out and how we react to it... specifically how our eating changes as we react to it. When I gave my answer about how I use comfort foods like mashed potates, pot pies (etc) she said "yeah well, you're so skinny so it doesn't matter how you eat".



She didn't know me from a whole in the wall and she thought I was "skinny". Yay!

I explained that I'd already had my bariatric surgery and I was 50 lbs down so far. She said how she'd been talking to the psychologist about it and didn't understand how he could say that post op she could become MORE depressed. I explained that you really can. You mourn food and you have to develop a new relationship with food so you don't make yourself sick. You have to be willing to understand that with this surgery comes the understanding that you will never visit a buffet again, you will never finish a normal sized meal again (let alone a restaurant sized one) and that counting calories, low fat, and the food guide no longer applies to you.

It's a HUGE change and one that requires that you're fully prepared for it... mentally and emotionally. She thanked me, she hadn't realized that. I was pleased to be able to give my experience to a possible future bariatric patient from another patient's perspective instead of just the doctors telling her what she should/shouldn't do.

First visit with my PCP

So I had my first appointment with my PCP yesterday.  She was never aware that I decided to have this surgery, let alone that it was in Mexico.  She had referred me to the Weight Wise program where bariatric surgery was a possibility at some point, but was surprised to hear that I did self pay. As I have had some issues with concentration, memory and focus lately I wanted to get all my vitamin levels (etc) checked to see where I'm at.  She's also getting my glucose checked to see where I'm at there.  I was pre-pre diabetic when she last checked so it will be interesting to see where all my levels are now.

Interestingly, she was fine with the fact that I chose to do this surgery.  She was unhappy/unthrilled/whatever that it was in MEXICO *gasp*  Actually.  She really did literally gasp.  I brushed it off.  I read that as ignorance to the care that you get in Mexico and made sure she knew that I had great care and was really happy with my surgeon and the facilities.  She was really happy with the weight I've lost  (40 lbs as of yesterday  woot woot!) and is happy to see I'm also off my anti-depressants at this point.  She did mention that the issues I'm having COULD actually be related to the depression (I have PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder, also mental health issues run in my family) but time will tell if that comes back up in the future.   It will be monitored closely, of course.  If necessary, I will go back on them but I'd rather not as it was helpful in my weight regain and subsequent deeper depression so I'd like to not go down that road again if I don't have to.

Telling people part ... deux

A cathartic day.

I told my brother.  And I cried.

When I met my husband I told him one drunken night...."the most important person in my life is my brother"....And he is (was, until I was married of course).   My brother and I grew up in a very difficult household and as a result, we have a unique connection. I was afraid and frankly very nervous to tell him I was doing this.  I was afraid of his reaction.  Afraid he'd be negative and have nothing positive to say about my decision. Afraid he'd try to talk me out of it

I was surprised. Muchly, Thankfully.  My brother simply said that if it makes me happy, then I should do it.  He was concerned about the Mexico connection but I think (hope?) that after hubby and I both explained our comfort in this doctor and the location, he felt ok about it.

I feel so much more comfort today about this decision than I did yesterday.  I feel happy, much more at ease and hopeful of my future.  I've also invited him to follow this experience along with me.  I hope he does.

durrrrr

tMy hubby can't keep a secret for anything.  Neither can his mom.

He told his mom.  Why?  Only God knows.  He swore her to secrecy. 

Yesterday hubby gets a call from his brother who lives HALFWAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY asking why we're going to San Diego because his mom told him we were going and that "he'll have to tell you why they're going there".  Well duh... of course he asked.  So hubby told him about the surgery. He's very happy for me and pleased that I am doing something for myself. It's not so much that I mind him knowing its just that this was MY information to share not my mother in law to pass out little tidbits that encourage questions!

Then last night, my step son came into town to spend Easter with us.  He almost let it spill with him too. Doh. Tonight his niece and nephew are coming in to spend the weekend here too... I know that I'm going to end up having to tell them but I asked hubby to keep it on the d/l until I at least tell my brother.  I think my own blood family has a right to know what's going on with me before extended/married into family.

As it is, we just spent a week in Punta Cana with friends and all of them already know.  I feel like this information is just blowing up around me and I don't have control over it.  I know I shouldn't care how people think about what I'm doing here but frankly, I do.

meh

Telling people... am I in denial?

I've told 3 people that I'm doing this. None of them are related to me... with of course the exception of my husband who is coming along with me.

I told my trainer because she needed to know why I wouldn't be letting her kick my ass for the next 2 months. I told my best friend and I told a woman at work because I trust her and she's trusting me too with something.

I don't want to tell my family. I don't want to tell my boss. I don't want to tell my co-workers... even the ones that could really benefit from this procedure. Frankly I'm afraid they'll look at me like I took the easy way out, or that I didn't really need it because I'm not "that" big.

I know I'm confident in this decision and I know that I did months of research into my doctor and into the procedure itself. I know what a huge decision this is and how its a forever choice.  There are a few people that will judge me.  I know this. 

There are a few that have seen me lose weight in the past.  How did I do it? Insane amount of exercise and food deprivation.  Why did I not keep it off?  Who the fuck knows... its as though all I have to do is think about a food not on my diet and I gain the weight back.  Did I continue to exercise like a maniac? No.  That's not long term sustainable anyway.  But I also didn't eat like a person that hasn't seen food in a month either.  There is something wrong with how my body works.  losing and regaining the same weight over and over for 15 years, isn't good for me and its destroyed my metabolism.  This surgery will allow me to eat small amount of healthy food, exercise in moderation and lose weight.  More importantly, it will hinder my body's built in broken famine mechanism that allows me to regain even on a very healthy 1400 calories/day diet.

THAT, I'm looking forward to.  And when I start to tell people, that is what I'm focusing on.  My new ability to keep the weight off.  And if they are negative?  Screw em.  It's my body and my health I'm fighting for here.... not theirs.  :)