A "sleeved" work around today....

Our branch manager brought in fresh hot donuts for some great results on month end today. 

I really wanted one but didn't want to actually eat a donut.  So I got a honey glazed one, took a bite, chewed it to mush just so I could get the flavour and then spit it out. 

Now I have a donut with a bite out of it sitting on my desk that I don't want anymore!


:D

ZEE heart... it burns!!!

I've been having alot of heartburn lately and I haven't been able to pin down what's doing it just yet.

Examples...
Tonight I had 1 slice of cheddar cheese (old) and 3 medium sized shrimps with cocktail sauce for dinner.   Heartburn.
Earlier today, I had 2 tablespoons of tuna salad (made at home just with miracle whip and pepper) on plain saltines for lunch.  Heartburn.
Last night, I had 1 vietnamese spring roll for dinner.   Heartburn.

Not sure what the common denominator is just yet.  Anyone with suggestions, please, chime in.

I do not take ANYTHING for acid up to this point.  This is new-ish... probably last month or 2.

I am getting closer to 1.5 yrs out.   Very very very few people at work know I had WLS, all of my family and close friends do though.  My family/friends are all on board and frankly some are thinking about doing it for themselves!  The thing is, since my surgery I have changed branches/provinces ... so no one in the new branch at work knows my new weight is actually NEW since they've only seen me at THIS weight.

But I have a bad habit.  I get PISSED when people that clearly have not had weight issues make comments about how other's eat/their weight/etc.... and start to get annoyed quickly and comment how regardless of their diet, its no one's business how they are as a PERSON/MANAGER... etc... they have NOTHING to do with each other.  It really makes me MAD when people in my office do that and I'm not quiet about it either.

My weight is MY business.  If I choose to tell someone about my WLS, then I will.  Mostly I will tell others that (I feel) struggle with their weight but even then, its a slippery slope.  You don't want to offend.  In their place, I would be so seriously embarrassed if someone brought up my weight.  As much as I want to help those people, I know who might actually benefit from a life changing surgery such as this... its certainly NOT for the faint of heart.  

Extra skin

Saw a new doc this week that will be our new family doctor here.  He was a sweet old guy, very kind and soft spoken.  He seemed genuinely concerned about why I had WLS and asked me about skin folds.  I think this is a great thing.  He documented my folds and mentioned skin removal... I said yes i wanted it. From what I've heard, if its documented well enough, they will cover it on the BC health plan.  Fingers crossed.

For reference... this is what 15 yrs of yo yo dieting from 250-130 lbs does to my body for extra skin.  I have a push up bra on so you can't see the carnage up top unfortunately but after that appt, I thought I should document this somewhere.  This is why there will not be a midriff baring ANYTHING on me until this is dealt with.

:(

Something that someone I know said in one of her posts has been resonating with me and I realized that over the last month-ish... I too no longer FEEL skinny.   

I feel average.  I'm still the same size, no change in my weight.  But I think its my perception. 

In Edmonton, people tended to be on the heavier side so I found myself (erroneously or not) comparing my body size in relation to theirs.  Here in Vancouver, the population is largely Asian and as a rule, they tend to be rail thin.  So now, I find myself comparing to their body size and I don't feel "fat" but I certainly don't feel like I'm among the slimmest.

Such a head game.

Plastics...

I've been seeing the amazing results from a few different WLS patients surgery recently and I'm amazed at the results so early post op... it makes me envious!

It's definitely something that I want to do for myself in a year or so. I want to wait until my weight has stabilized for a longer term before I make that move as I know that it will re-distribute a little over time. But the extra skin that plagues my sight makes me uncomfortable naked. I feel like I look great in clothing but out of it my panni, the saggy boobies that look like water balloons .... the skin so loose I can grab it and pinch it and it STAYS pinched... those are the parts of my surgery experience that I don't like.

I'm happy with my size and I feel healthier than I have in a very long time. I don't have the issues with my knees or back like I once did. I don't huff and puff going up a set of stairs anymore. I feel GOOD. Next, I want to look as good as I feel and I know that means that plastics are in my future at some point.

1.25-ish years post op.

I'm still able to eat anything I want.  In moderation.  A bite of something my head or mouth wants.  Most often though, they want PROTEIN... I just want MEAT.  Give me sliced meat wrapped around cheese and I'm a happy girl.  But, when I don't have that (for whatever reason), Sleevie keeps me honest if I'm not being honest with myself.

I've noticed a few changes in recent months.

I'm now able to drink a "few gulps" of water. .... I wasn't able to drink more than 1 mouthful at a few minute time up to a year out without feeling nausea.  Now I can do ... gulp, gulp, gulp.  Usually that last gulp leads to a bit of that full burpy nausea though.

I can eat a TAD more now than I used to.
I ate for dinner tonight for example:
1 whole grain flatbed hamburger bun with 1 slice meat, 1 slice cheese, 1 tsp pineapple
It took me about an hour to eat both sides of the bun which had the condiments split btwn them.

I still avoid carbonation and frankly do not miss it at all.  Haven't had anything (except a few sips here and there) since surgery over a year ago.... I really don't miss that at all.  Surprisingly!

I've managed my weight loss of 91 lbs relatively easily so far.

What do I do?

• I walk 20 min per day.. fast.
• I (unintentionally, unconsciously) keep my calories around 1000-1200 a day thanks to sleevie
• I still focus on protein being the main source of everything I put in my mouth (with some exceptions of wine lately)

What I want to do?

• Become STRONG.  I'm going to start Hot Yoga with a friend.  I loved it the few times I've done it in the past.... I might not be the most flexible or coordinated but dayum... I feel like a million bucks after I've spent an hour (or more) in that hot room sweating and stretching!!  Hot yoga is my strengthening start.
• Work on more conditioning.  I walk fast every day to and from work (1 km each way) but I'd like to see more cardio.

After Yoga... I have a ball, a mat, a roller... I will (plan to) get a few hand weights.... I've had dreams *literally* of the workouts I plan to do using my own body weight in the area around here as well as the cardio that I can do in this area... there's so much uphill walking available to me within a couple of minutes of here that I need to take advantage of!

Confessions...

The last 2 month-ish has been hard. VERY hard. I've been having way too much wine. Way too often.

I'm fully aware that post-WLS transfer addictions are a serious problem.  I KNOW that I should be careful that I'm not among that statistic but right now, its what I've been using to cope with my stress ... moving to a new province away from what I know and taking a new job with added responsibility....  Wrong or right, its what's working for me right now to deal.  Stress has played a HUGE part in this and the method that I've chosen to do to deal with it.  Hubby and I have even enabled each other completely in this.  He's smoking, I'm drinking.  We're both fully aware of what we're doing and how much we dislike each other's choices but are willing to overlook them right now

We both know that this is something that we need to change but we've chosen to accept it for what it is and to try not to judge the other person.  We have yet to pick a "quit date" but it will be likely in the next week or so.

HELLLLLOOOOOO Burnaby, BC!!!!

Packers, loaders.... unloaders, unpackers... everything went well. We had a few small damages but overall its been a great move. We've unpacked & placed pretty much everything in the last 4 days since the unpackers left. Our home is starting to look like a HOME. We still ADORE our rooftop deck... like LOVE LOVE LOVE. Hubby has managed to make us a few friends and we're one of very few caucasians in the 2 bldgs. That's fine with us!!! We've already been invited to a house party in the next bldg and we're trying to get our neighbours on either side of us to agree to a rooftop party between our places (we can open the gates between all three places) ... that will be up to hubby ... he's the party coordinator 

Today was day 1 at my new office. I won't lie. I DID need my ativan at one point. I was shaking. JItterying... heart racing...

I hope that I can do better tomorrow since I'll know where I'm going and have a better handle on my team. I spent the day with them and my boss going over some of the coming changes and doing some triage with new business coming in. It wasn't a bad day considering I didn't have ANY computer or (technically) authority to make any decisions I was being asked to make.

I think that I did good. I just hope that the IT guy shows up and fixes my computer tomorrow so I can get a bunch of clearing out done and get things in order. THere's a lot to learn and having no real station, makes it harder!

A new chapter...

Sometimes in life you have to do what you're most scared of doing. Step out of your comfort zone...remember what you deserve and don't settle for anything less.  It's time to re-create myself and learn who I want to be/I am ... again.  Employee/peer/manager.... another cog/different cog in the wheel.

 Tomorrow is my last day!!!

I'm actually ready to move on RIGHT NOW. I spent ALL of today training my replacement and most of tomorrow will be the same.

I still have to pack the rest of the stuff at my desk and hubby is coming to pick it up and bring me my luggage as I go straight to Calgary from work on the bus starting at 430pm. Thursday/Friday I will be in Calgary doing management training with all the managers from Aviva Western Canada (eep... why am I so nervous!? I feel like a bit of a fraud actually going to this training!). While I'm gone to Calgary for training, the packers come Thursday, movers come Friday! Friday night 630pm I'm back on the bus back to Edmonton and Saturday morning we do the final inspection/hand over keys to our new (lease to own) tenant and we're off back to Calgary....

Itinerary:
Sat night Calgary, AB (3.5 hr drive)
Sunday Sicamous, BC (6 hr drive)
Monday Kelowna, BC (2 hr drive)
Tuesday Burnaby, BC ( 4.5 hrs to our new home!)


Next few days will be STRESS mixed with excitement! So much to do, so little time!