Alcohol

So ... things from 2012 have not resolved.  I'm a teensy bit embarrassed by what I'm doing and allowing but, not enough to make any changes because frankly we're both enabling each other and understand that its what we need right now to cope...

For Hubby: smoking.
For Me: wine.

Hubby smokes ALOT.  I have wine ALOT. We both hate each other's addictions but can't stop each other from doing what we're addicted to. :(

I have 2-5 glasses a night depending on the night.  I like the taste so much that suddenly I get to the point where I realize that I've had too much.

The last couple of weeks I've had enough (likely too much) and found myself wondering what happened the night before.  I've been having a few conversations lately where I do not remember what I said or what happened.  Unfortunately my dumbass hubby chooses to make fun of me when I don't remember instead of talking to me honestly or with concern. Turns out we've had alot of very good conversations that I do not remember at all... literally.  Apparently last night, we talked about not only an automatic reload of my starbucks account but also having my plastics early Nov.  I remember none of it.

It makes me a little scared to be honest.  That I am THAT affected by the few glasses of wine that I remember nothing scares me... My mom DIED at 39 as an alcoholic (I'm 36)... that behaviour scares me. Have I graduated to blacking out when I drink?


*cry*