Alcohol

So ... things from 2012 have not resolved.  I'm a teensy bit embarrassed by what I'm doing and allowing but, not enough to make any changes because frankly we're both enabling each other and understand that its what we need right now to cope...

For Hubby: smoking.
For Me: wine.

Hubby smokes ALOT.  I have wine ALOT. We both hate each other's addictions but can't stop each other from doing what we're addicted to. :(

I have 2-5 glasses a night depending on the night.  I like the taste so much that suddenly I get to the point where I realize that I've had too much.

The last couple of weeks I've had enough (likely too much) and found myself wondering what happened the night before.  I've been having a few conversations lately where I do not remember what I said or what happened.  Unfortunately my dumbass hubby chooses to make fun of me when I don't remember instead of talking to me honestly or with concern. Turns out we've had alot of very good conversations that I do not remember at all... literally.  Apparently last night, we talked about not only an automatic reload of my starbucks account but also having my plastics early Nov.  I remember none of it.

It makes me a little scared to be honest.  That I am THAT affected by the few glasses of wine that I remember nothing scares me... My mom DIED at 39 as an alcoholic (I'm 36)... that behaviour scares me. Have I graduated to blacking out when I drink?


*cry*

Plastics... first consult

My first Plastics consult aka reconstructive surgery (even the doc called it that.. it's not considered cosmetic!) ... local surgeon.

First the burning questions... 
What would the doctor recommend, the plusses of using him and lastly I'll discuss the cost.

He recommended the following procedures for me:

• Full abdominoplasty (Tummy Tuck aka TT) which would include lipo, muscle repair, relocating the belly button as well as lipo in the mons which is the pubic area that tends to become rather pronounced ... like a little hill... post TT so they'd flatten it out some by removing some fat.
• Breast Lift (Mastopexy) which would include implants (260cc) which post op would make me a solid full C cup. Not a deflated ...anywhere from B to D cup depending on the bra.
• BodyTite Liposuction on my flanks. In lieu of a lower body lift which I frankly do not need, he suggested more what I could use is some lipo with laser tightening in my lower saddlebags/hips/back to smooth, tighten and shape that area. 

BodyTite on YouTube  

Plusses of using this doctor include...

1. It's LOCAL, literally blocks from my home, in case something should be an issue. There's no flying anywhere to have this done in another city or country and then having to fly home and deal with post-op complications and care with local docs.
2. He provides a pain pump. Sweet. Most surgeons I've looked at so far don't.
3. NO drains. He doesn't use them because the pain pump would be made ineffective with them... and better, he hasn't needed them
4. He suggests I would likely be back at work within the month at the latest... not up to 12 weeks like some people have had
5. The actual surgery time is under 5 hours. He doesn't like having surgeries for longer than that as it starts to increase complication rates.
6. He provides all the post-op dressings, post op care, touch ups within the first year

The costs... (all inclusive) 

Abdominoplasty $10,065.44
BodyTite Lipo $5084.80
Bilateral Breast Lift $7,095.20

Total for all 3 = $22,245.44 CDN



We can't afford that. I can't ask hubby to put that kind of money into something as selfish as this. My WLS was one thing... and besides, it was only $5k plus travel costs... AND I was able to recover 1/2 of it since it was out of country medical.... this is over 4x that, completely unrecoverable. I'm sad. Hubby is not against it and would let me do it because he knows it's what I want but, the guilt...